Lately, I’ve been thinking about how different we all are when it comes to our needs for gathering. Some of us crave dinner parties with twenty people; some of us are happiest having one deep conversation with a close friend over coffee. It’s worth asking: are we gathering in ways that actually fill us up? Or are we just going through the motions? I’ve been reflecting on my own balance lately, and how knowing my own sweet spot makes gathering easier, lighter, and more joyful.
Our needs for socializing can be vastly different. Most of us know intuitively where we belong on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. But no matter where we fall, we all need people in our lives, to varying degrees. For me, as an ambivert, I love spending time with people but I also need my alone time. In practice it looks like this: I’ll host brunch for a few friends on Sunday, but I’ll also make sure to block some me-time in the evening, usually with a good book, after my daughter is asleep.
Photo by Nina Zeynep Güler on Unsplash
Each of these fills me up with energy in distinct ways. Reconnecting with my friends makes me feel accepted, part of a pack, and at the same time, feel the deep satisfaction that comes from caring for other people. Being on my own is a time to reflect, learn and just chill. I have the fortune of having a partner that has the same ambivert personality as me, so we understand how important each of these are in our lives.
It’s taken me plenty of trial and error to figure out my sweet spot between socializing and solitude. This week, I’d like to invite you to reflect on yours: what do you get out of gathering? And what of your alone time? Do you feel that the balance between these is right at the moment? And if not, how would you like to change it? And if you feel like sharing what’s working for you (or not!), I’d love to hear from you. Just reply to this email.
The reason why this is important for the way we gather is because it gives purpose and boundaries to it. If you only need to meet up with friends every two weeks and have your batteries charged - then there’s no need to insist on getting together more often. At the same time, defining what we need from socializing makes us more mindful of it when we are organizing our next gathering. If we crave deep conversations with a few close friends, we’ll organize an intimate dinner and not a full out party with 50 invitees.
Finally, and very importantly, the needs for both alone and social time can vary greatly throughout life. Recently, I became a parent for the first time. Needless to say, my whole world changed overnight, and with it, my needs (and possibilities) for socialising and alone time as well (but that’s a topic for another post 😊).
I’m planning a future post on how our needs for connection change over time. If you’ve been through a shift lately - becoming a parent, moving cities, or just changing seasons - I’d love to hear how your gathering habits have shifted, too.
Recipe of the week
I’d like to leave you every week with a recipe that has been a winner in my books either for its ease of preparation, versatility, or show-stopping factor - and this one ticks all three of those boxes:
Shakshuka with Feta (recipe from NYT Cooking - you can access a limited number of recipes for free!)
Photo by Delaney Van on Unsplash
The reason why I love this recipe so much, aside from its deliciousness, is because it’s so easy to adapt to your needs (both in terms of number of guests, as well as dietary requirements and occasion). For example, scaling it down in half can easily be a beautiful brunch for two, skipping the feta and swapping the eggs for chunks of tofu or beans makes it a great vegan alternative, and swapping the eggs with grilled chicken breast accompanied by rice turns it to a more substantial lunch/dinner alternative. It’s also a very easy dish to prepare, just make sure not to rush the sautéing to avoid burning the peppers and onions. I hope you get creative with it this week!
Until next time - gather well, rest well.
Great post and something I have definitely thought about myself for many years. Agree on the social and personal ("me") time. However and probably for another post, is to add two more dimensions to how we spend time: 1) Our partner, 2) Kids. Now that I am a father of two boys, we need to make further compromises between the social and "me" time. Where possible, its valid to try and combine these, but I would not say its always effective. I've been spending time with my kids a lot lately on weekends, and sometimes even spending 121 time with each of them separately is needed for connection. Yet, the day only has 24 hours, so it can be hectic! My "me" time is usually when I exercise, which is a time I use to listen to music or a good podcast. I also have a one hour commute to work, which serves as great time to pick up the Kindle and read a good book. Time management is key, but also very personal and not a one size fits all. Looking forward to more posts. Cheers!
I love your reflection, Hana! I need to balance between quality social and personal time to be in my zone. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s harder, but the key has been to never give up on setting apart spaces for both. Thanks for the recipe, I love shakshuka!!